Day 26
We met for breakfast. I wished a good morning, then I kept quietly taking my breakfast. I still didn’t feel like the two of them and would have preferred to be alone. Thort tried to build a conversation by asking
"What are we doing today?"
I just shrugged my shoulders, poured me a cup of coffee and went into the common room. I wanted to smoke a cigarette in peace. I could hear them talking. But couldn’t understand what they were saying. I didn’t care. I thought about looking through the stockrooms and take up on what was the stock, I wanted to deal with it and I didn’t want to be a company of the two I wanted to be alone to think.
I needed all day. Thort once came to the Stockroom and asked what I would do. I told him I would to take stock to know exactly what was in stock. How much fuel is in the tanks of the generators and how many canned foods are available. I also recorded the ammunition stockpiles. With him I had the feeling that he was afraid that I would leave alone and leave the two in the Salthamm bunker. He asked me
“You know, let’s have practice, with the weapons, shoot and aim.”
“At the time I don’t want to talk about it anymore, for me it’s all pointless. You don’t need me to practice.”
Thort looked on the ground
“We can practice alone but we can’t do it like you we don’t know as much as you, you still know some tricks and I’d like to learn that. I don’t want you to go alone, you know.”
“Thort, I don’t want to talk about it anymore. I said what I had to say.”
“But, we’re stricting on ourselves, honestly”
"Thort, please," I said, looking at him sternly.
‘I don’t want to talk about it anymore.’
He looked to the ground and I could see that he was looking for something he could tell me. I knew he was trying to change my mind. But it was perhaps the best thing to stay tough on that point. Maybe they would understand it at some point. When I gave him no answer, he withdrew with his shoulders hanging. When he was gone, I sat down on a box.
I was sorry he had really worked hard and if I taught him a few more tricks, he would be a good mate. But Amelie, she was the weakest link in the chain. If I took them with me, I couldn’t guarantee anything. She would put Thort and me in danger because i just wasn’t paying attention, she was too clumsy. I didn’t want to be accused of leading someone into a deadly fight who wasn’t even able to defend himself. That burden was just too great for me.
In the evening I went back again. When I passed the canteen, they were sitting at the table. "Come on, what food!" cried Amelie. She kindly scooped me a plate full, smiling. I thanked her and ate in silence. They watched me.
“Should I help with the washing up?” I asked when I emptied my plate, because I didn’t want to shirk myself and I didn’t want this to be stuck at Amelie alone.
"No," she said the three plates are not a job." She smiled kindly.
"OK," I said, I got up and left.
In the shower I let the warm water bounce down on me and washed the dust down from the Stockroom. I thought about dressing up again and sitting in the communal room with a can of beer. I could hardly dodge the company of the two unless I moved to one of the Stockrooms. I chose a stockroom, sat there on a box and drank a can of beer, smoked and hung on to my thoughts. When I went to bed, Thort was already asleep. Amelie sat on her bed and looked over at me as I prepared for the bed. I wished her a good night then I slipped under the blanket and fell asleep.